so final

....death



working through my grief

at the unexpectedly complete severance

of expected potentials


for closeness

intimacy

and dreams coming  true....



ripples

radiating from the  irreplaceable center

of  a life that was,

so close to me, 


meeting up here, and there

waves and troughs, cancelling or enhancing

 the waves and troughs of my own projected future hopes and dreams,

 touching points in the ever widening circles of my own future

of changed potentials.


I  don't like the changes,

I cry tears for me i
n frustration and defiance of " unchangeable"
holding with all my might
to that which will make this change disappear,
all the while knowing
 that my tantrum will not undo what time has done,

until I undo time.

And for the loss I feel in
the absence of one so dear.


And then I let go.


And  I turn down new roads.
And the sorrow lifts and drops
in the ripples as they flow out
and the joys remain on the waves,
and the pains in the troughs

and ways are opened
for change,

for different,

for better.




Seperation is just an illusion,
afterall, yes,

but so is being human.


*
*


Confused and distraught over the news of the death of an online acquaintence I wrote this previous poem, and the next.

"other" loves

 

YES!

THAT'S IT!

it's love!

.....but why?

what is this passionate "love"?

and

... just "who" am I in love with?

You?

There are so many "you"s!

The many "you"s from this life

and the you from other lives

so  many "you"s

so many "me"s

"love"?

Why this resonance?

Here?                  
Now?

My love life from other existences leaking through!!!

Damn!

NOBODY EVER TOLD ME ABOUT THIS!!!

Practically strangers,

but I love some "us", somehow, somewhere!

...resonance beyond reason,

beyond sight

beyond belief!

How is this possible ?

Here?

Now?

Obviously not.

Hardly a window of opportunity to be with you in this now,

yet,  I feel I must behave myself

not act the fool and drool!

revealing this divine passion for being with you

so deeply buried

beyond the merely human traceable paths of "ordinary" life

within the fabric of my being

tugging at my awareness

like a splinter in consciousness.

causing me  pain I soooo refused to look at,

until today....surprise!

and now  I understand

the presence of  the echoes  I feel

of the "us" that we once were

in the timbre of your voice,

in such divine and easy laughter together,

in the affections and appreciations,

that you admit to;

my  passion for "us",

silently floats out of it's carefully buried place of remembrance

like an unholy ghost, unbidden,

haunting and taunting me with the absence of it's flow in my life

and I fall helplessly
 in love with "us" again

so far beyond this life

and the you  I see right here,

into vast depths of relationship

that boggle a human mind

spanning eons;

*

into a love               that makes the entire human spectrum of it

seem like toddlers playing house,

with the You that you are not now,

that does remember.

We dressed ourselves in other lives this time,

hardly recognizable to each other.

Hiding so much of our Selves,

that You would not recognize Me,

nor I, You.

We already have other lovers, interests, paths

this divine separation clearly serving us,

so much so,

that I must honor it at your request,

or perhaps,

it was mine.

But we found each other anyways, didn't we?

"Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, "  says the Universe.

"Be at peace. That is not for here, not for now....

There are other goals  for  this  life ..."

Insisting, "Now it is time to love yourself that way

without the other, first..."

And so,  alone,

in the ecstasy of feeling  you and I together,

I   let  "us" go for now

to cure this divine agony of separation.

And I create

from this space of  freedom

new divine ways

of being in love

with

us.

*

Well, I had a ticket, but the show was cancelled. With that  friendly, open, smile, that lovely name, and that hopeful message, I was willing to give her a shot. She was publicly putting her self on the line for what she believed in. That bears a lot of weight in my book.

There are a lot of channelers out there. Some, even get good grounded news. But there is personal discernment involved in all of this too. Just as one trusts or mistrusts a particular television news channel to deliver them the unbiased news, so it is with those who channel news from any non-physical source. Until you know you trust the channel, and it has delivered the truth to you over and over, it's best to take what's said with a grain of salt and a whole lot of thought.

It is so easy to manipulate a poor lil ol human ego, whether by our own delusions, or the hidden agendas of non-visible entities who are just as real as the visible ones. Perhaps Blossom was tuning into some part of  humanity's mass consciousness, where we are calling out for a rescuer to come and save us from this latest boogey man. I don't personally know enough about channelling to say, but her sincerity could not be questioned. Her reliability in getting good grounded news reports? Well, that is rather obvious. Anyone can be sincerely wrong.

Whenever I am faced with an unknown variable, as in this case whether a "channel" is accurate or not, I  fall back on a wait and see attitude. Even though this contact would have been really neat, and I really wished it would happen, I am grounded enough to know that there are a lot of variables that are not accounted for that leave this kind of thing very literally " up in the air."

 I know that mass " first contact"  will occur. I know also that it will be in humanity's best interest. So relative to eons, I guess that will be pretty soon. I won't speculate on a date though, but I still have my ticket.

Sometimes when I post about a "darker" theme, I receive comments about how my nickname doesn't jive with the content. Please allow me to expand the notion of my nickname to help clear up any confusion.

I use lightenup to mean adding levity of course. Sometimes it's easy for spiritual people get all serious and forget about fun and joy and laughter. After all, spiritual themes are the most serious of all; Life and death, suffering, world peace, that sort of stuff.  But  I also use it to mean adding the light of awareness to subjects. When shining light on dark agendas, they are exposed for what they are. Nasty, ugly, despicable, etc. Bringing that awareness to people could be construed as adding to the darkness.  I disagree. The darkness is already there, and there are those that use it for their advantage and that is what I intend to expose.

Tip up a rock, let a little light in, and watch the squirmy things run for their lives. 

Light exposes both the beauty and the filth. I am joyfully shining light on both. That is also why I use that icon. It is a "picture" of how I feel in the light of who I am, doing what I love,
shining as bright as I am.


When you see something you don't like, look away, but know, my only goal is to light -en  up the entire world we live in.

This global financial shakeup feels like I am living in the same strange reality I felt I was living in when the attacks happened on 911. I''m seeing it, but I'm not comprehending what I see. It's too big. It's too aweful. It's too huge. Our public servants (ha ha, what a joke) are all reassuring us that all will be well. It will just take some time. They know what to do.

What I do know is that I am not making the same mistake this time.
When I hear the official stories along with official attempts to re-ass-ure me, I will not, I repeat, I  will not believe a word they say about the whys, the wherefores or the solution. 

I still have not found the Boeing. How about you?


Michael Sharps podcast about Black October and the financial crises can be found here  For a clear take on world events, I recommend his website. It's time for everyone to wake up.
michaelsharp.org


 

So,  we've only lost a little bit of space.

Advertisting and revenue.

No choice.

Better navigation.




I disagree.



Space?

It is not just a little bit of space that has been lost here. It is a beautiful space that has been lost here. Doesn't Gaiam even consider what powered by zaadz means? When advertising first came to zaadz, it was non-obtrusive. The ads were color coordinated  to not blare in your face, to maintain a pleasant space  for the community we were creating.  I clicked on a lot of those ads. I have not clicked on any lately. 


Advertising and Revenue?

What is the very nature of advertising? To get your attention. How? Millions, nay  billions, are spent on answering that question. So what is the highest answer that
Gaiam can give us?  BIGGER ADS? Is that the best that we can do? Big honking billboards in the midst of the fields of flowering connections? If I was new to this site, I would not give it a second glance. I see nothing that draws people in anymore to spend time here.  Our beautiful blogs are now lost in this sea of change. How would anyone know that this site offers them anything out of the ordinary?


No Choice?

 I remember how wonderfully open to suggestions, how daring and creative the team was. They worked together with us,  to create something wonderful for all. Bigger Ads can not be the only solution. You can't annoy me and then expect me to look into your business. We all know that as soon as a popup pops up, we can't find  the close button fast enough. I never read them.  Must we settle for "business as usual" ? Sad to say, that would be powered by business, not zaadz.


Better Navigation?

One thing that gives a social site character is its navigation. The zaadz seed theme was awesome needless to say. Now, there is absolutetly nothing that offers any sort of  community identity in this new navigation. I find it  plain and lifeless.  I would like to see site navigation flow from the sites purpose and draw people intuitively to the areas that make Gaia great.


My intuition tells me there must  be something better.




 

I hurt,










don't you feel it?







.

breathe in....
breathe out.....

it is the art of  "you"

...the moments
of your creation.


Make them beautiful

just

like  

you.

Looking at the circus that is American politics, two things are perfectly clear.  The govern-ed are sick of the same old same old. and  the govern-ers know it .   Both "parties"  are crafting their campaigns to pander to this development and  quell this  revolutionary dissatisfaction that  they smell in the air. The end result, proven over time in American Politics? Nothing will change.

I prefer a larger, clearer vistion of change. One delightfully presented on July 4th of this year by Steve Bhaerman, better known as Swami Beyondananda..

http://www.wakeuplaughing.com

Over half a year since the assimilation, this is how I currently feel about zaadznowgaia.  

zaadz  = spiritual community.

gaiam = commercial enterprise. 

I see  the zaadz = gaia equation as one of two basic scenarios: an attempt to "commercialize" a spiritual community (zaadz) or an attempt to "spiritualize" a commercial enterprise by way of grafting zaadz on. Please do not read this as meaning overt attempts, but nevertheless the results are the same.

When I signed up on zaadz, neither  of those two options were my intention in becoming part of this community. When zaadz became gaia, neither of  those options became mine by osmosis. 

For now I am still, waiting and seeing.