remote intimacy

so final

....death



working through my grief

at the unexpectedly complete severance

of expected potentials


for closeness

intimacy

and dreams coming  true....



ripples

radiating from the  irreplaceable center

of  a life that was,

so close to me, 


meeting up here, and there

waves and troughs, cancelling or enhancing

 the waves and troughs of my own projected future hopes and dreams,

 touching points in the ever widening circles of my own future

of changed potentials.


I  don't like the changes,

I cry tears for me i
n frustration and defiance of " unchangeable"
holding with all my might
to that which will make this change disappear,
all the while knowing
 that my tantrum will not undo what time has done,

until I undo time.

And for the loss I feel in
the absence of one so dear.


And then I let go.


And  I turn down new roads.
And the sorrow lifts and drops
in the ripples as they flow out
and the joys remain on the waves,
and the pains in the troughs

and ways are opened
for change,

for different,

for better.




Seperation is just an illusion,
afterall, yes,

but so is being human.


*
*


Confused and distraught over the news of the death of an online acquaintence I wrote this previous poem, and the next.

"other" loves

 

YES!

THAT'S IT!

it's love!

.....but why?

what is this passionate "love"?

and

... just "who" am I in love with?

You?

There are so many "you"s!

The many "you"s from this life

and the you from other lives

so  many "you"s

so many "me"s

"love"?

Why this resonance?

Here?                  
Now?

My love life from other existences leaking through!!!

Damn!

NOBODY EVER TOLD ME ABOUT THIS!!!

Practically strangers,

but I love some "us", somehow, somewhere!

...resonance beyond reason,

beyond sight

beyond belief!

How is this possible ?

Here?

Now?

Obviously not.

Hardly a window of opportunity to be with you in this now,

yet,  I feel I must behave myself

not act the fool and drool!

revealing this divine passion for being with you

so deeply buried

beyond the merely human traceable paths of "ordinary" life

within the fabric of my being

tugging at my awareness

like a splinter in consciousness.

causing me  pain I soooo refused to look at,

until today....surprise!

and now  I understand

the presence of  the echoes  I feel

of the "us" that we once were

in the timbre of your voice,

in such divine and easy laughter together,

in the affections and appreciations,

that you admit to;

my  passion for "us",

silently floats out of it's carefully buried place of remembrance

like an unholy ghost, unbidden,

haunting and taunting me with the absence of it's flow in my life

and I fall helplessly
 in love with "us" again

so far beyond this life

and the you  I see right here,

into vast depths of relationship

that boggle a human mind

spanning eons;

*

into a love               that makes the entire human spectrum of it

seem like toddlers playing house,

with the You that you are not now,

that does remember.

We dressed ourselves in other lives this time,

hardly recognizable to each other.

Hiding so much of our Selves,

that You would not recognize Me,

nor I, You.

We already have other lovers, interests, paths

this divine separation clearly serving us,

so much so,

that I must honor it at your request,

or perhaps,

it was mine.

But we found each other anyways, didn't we?

"Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, "  says the Universe.

"Be at peace. That is not for here, not for now....

There are other goals  for  this  life ..."

Insisting, "Now it is time to love yourself that way

without the other, first..."

And so,  alone,

in the ecstasy of feeling  you and I together,

I   let  "us" go for now

to cure this divine agony of separation.

And I create

from this space of  freedom

new divine ways

of being in love

with

us.

*